What a mess

Fear creeps into my mind as I sit upon the wooden planks. They let me get by without saying much. I simply cannot talk. Or do I refuse to talk? Since I've had this privledge all my life engraved in me. They see that I'm broken and let it slide. I can't even imagine what I look like to people. Sure, I had my share of break downs. The feeling to escape, heavy breathing, panic battle zone enters my mind worrying about who I am as a person. I can't escape my social anxiety cage. Of what they expect of me, what they need from me, what I need to give back to them.